Forced myself to go outside and sit by the river after waking up depressed. It helped a little after battling with myself to leave the house. 

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My mind floats away. I can’t touch it. My cartoons and being lost in a different reality grounds me. 

Nothing is making me feel alive so I’m just following what I love right now. 

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I vanish. 

When things are really bad I get quiet because I don’t want to share only bad things. When things are good I get quiet because I’m afraid it’ll pass so quickly because it always does. 

I still have a lot to share through bad or good. And whatever outlet I’m pouring out of I will continue to do so. 

Passion was one thing I was never lacking in. Weather it be for art, expression or lessening the suffering of others. 

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It’ll be over soon. 

I’m not here. I’m underneath layers and layers. 

Please stop the screaming in my head. 

Don’t worry dear, it’ll all be over soon. 

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I’m back. 


The past two years I’ve experienced more pain than I ever thought possible. But lately I’ve been able to feel moments of happiness and I’m so grateful for this because I was beginning to think I would never actually feel that again. I’ve been painting again and I’m finally feeling like I’m getting me back.

Grateful to feel love again. Grateful to not be numb all the time. Grateful to understand my BPD even though I don’t like having it. Grateful for smoothies. Grateful we made our bills all on time this month. Grateful to watch someone I love play video games even when they are miles away. Grateful for deadpool. Grateful my partner is making progress on self improvement and getting a handle on his add. Everyday I’m so grateful for my partners and the support and love they show me. Grateful for some upcoming dates that I’m both nervous and excited for. Grateful when my pup nuzzles me and doesn’t bark. Grateful for people showing me understanding and love this week. Grateful for polyam fams. ❤️

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Helpful things. 

Meditation will help. Give it a try. Mindfulness and being here and now. Something I learned in art class in high school was: keep it simple stupid. (K.i.s.s.) 

It was in relation to art but we can relate it to life and our mind. 

Too much makes us feel like we are drowning. We are just visiting, passing through, experiencing what life is about. You don’t have to understand it. 

Look how good it is right now. Take one step at a time don’t overwhelm yourself. 

Man sitting in chair. 

Woman reading computer screen. 

Person writing this post on their phone while puppy snoozes on the floor. 

In the deep smog of depression these things won’t help but if you do tiny things to help yourself and find what works it can make things a little better. And if not there are always more options. Even dying is an option but I think we have some shit to do first. 😉

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  Picture from @galadarling on Instagram. 

Learn always. Self improvement. Love. If it’s not backed 100% by love don’t do it. 

No need to over complicate things. 

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