Success is when you stoked on yourself for bein so ill. 

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Documenting depression. 

Pt. 2 

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what would make you happy. 

What would make you happy?

The scars healing. Feeling okay and like me again. Not having depersonalization feelings and dissociation. Having control over my depression and anxiety. Being productive and proud of my work.

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  I am so powerful. The worst thing I could have imagined happened to me and yes I was at rock bottom for a year and a half but I was so resilient. I’ve made it so far. I’ve proved myself wrong on so many occasions. I’ve done so much and pushed myself so hard. I am a force to be reckoned with. I can see now I’m definitely not someone I would mess with because I will come out on top. Looking back at how much life can change I know it will change tons more but as long as I’m able to heal I’m pleased with how things are going. 

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I want me back. 

  I want to sculpt. I want to paint. I want to take photos, plan and model. I want to create a tiny wonderland. I want to make videos again and gain more confidence. I want to get back all the things I lost last year. I want to reinvent. 

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Dear K. 

  Dear K, you deserve so much better. You deserve a moment of happiness even if it’s fleeting. You’ve overcome so much. You are knowledgable and creative. You have much to offer. Just continue one more day and see how you feel. You deserve to be here. Don’t let people make you feel worthless. Grow and bloom like a tree, trees don’t compare themselves to other trees, neither should you. I know you are confused right now and all the clouds are looming but the sky in your brain will clear up soon and you will see what to do. I love you so much. You are worthwhile. You are good and caring. I’m so proud of you for still caring and being kind after all the meanness and pain you’ve seen. You are powerful for not letting the world harden you. You are more than your mental illness. The money you make does not determine your worth, please stop believing when people tell you that. You are as bright as all the stars. 

-Love, you. 

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 I’m having a really hard time. I’m severely depressed and I’ve been suicidal for a couple years but I had hope it would pass. I’m starting to lose that hope. It’s been hell and I don’t want to feel these things anymore. 

Please take people seriously in your life that have mental illness. Don’t write them off or laugh at them. This shit is no joke. It’s not just feeling nervous or sad sometimes so please don’t say everyone has to deal with it. That proves you clearly have no idea what they go through. 

Living is such a struggle right now. Sometimes I have no idea how to pull myself from the pit of depression. Sometimes I don’t even want to because the depression destroys all want, all desire, all motivation. Some days I can’t even move. 

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