Perfect.

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Life is perfect right now. I’m realizing how good it has become. I love going on long walks. It’s my favorite thing about life right now. I can have long conversations and the weather is getting cooler. It’s so exciting because it let’s me know summer is ending and fall is coming!
Life is taking care of me and whatever happens is what is best. I’m excited and hopeful for what’s coming next. What is is perfect.
Today I choose to work on my stress levels with controlled breathing. My chest pains have been so bad lately that it’s a pretty good indicator that I need to focus more on self care and how I’m doing mentally.

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We made it.

8.19.14
I love myself.
I am stepping out of the cycle. No more self loathing. I’m doing good considering.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. You are doing things everyday you have a happy life. There’s no reason to stress. Life is taking care of you. You get down on yourself because you aren’t doing enough but what is enough? Look at all you do.
Look around, this is exactly what you wanted. You created this. I’m so proud of you. Your dreams are coming true. And you don’t need to do a million things in a day to be accomplished you just have to be at peace with how it is. It is so good.

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Update.

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Been having very frequent panic attacks and have avoided all responsibility. I feel like my anxiety is turning me into a bad friend and unreliable. I wish I had direction. I tried to turn things around but I guess the universe had other plans.

Grateful I got to be a bridesmaid at my best friends beautiful wedding. Grateful I got to hold my childhood friends two babies. Grateful I get to watch Pokemon and eat snacks with my boyfriend. Grateful he takes such good care of me and calms me down when I have attacks. Grateful he cooks for me and watches movies with me. Grateful to wake up next to you and see your smile everyday.
I just want to run away. I just want something good to come. I need to not depend on anyone else. I can do this.

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Change.

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I’m working really hard to make things happen in the near future. I have to believe those things are coming. I deserve something good.
My depression has been so bad lately I can see it affecting me physically and mentally but I can’t escape it. So I’m seeking help and I really hope something will change. I know it won’t magically go away but after 14 years of trying to do it myself I think it’s time I got help. Thank you to those who have been supportive. Wish me luck.

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Lovethelifewelive.

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Grateful: I got the chance to see maleficent opening day with my two favorite people. I got to see my best friend before she moved away. I got to see Xmen.
It’s a miracle I’m alive. We made it. All of that really doesn’t matter.
Wounds do heal. Don’t forget that. Sometimes the pain stays so vividly you forget healing is possible.
You are doing it.
Can you believe how lucky we are?
We live the life we love. We love the life we live.

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Ugly boi.

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Ooh I love my ugly boy
So rough and tough
Don’t care bout anyfing but me
Yes I just love him cause he’s so crazy
Just crazy about me

You and me make the whole world jealous
God knows I know my homegirl’s precious
Life is crazy I know God bless us
Chill the fuck out I got this
You Got nothing to worry about trust me
You trust in Ninjie cause he don’t play
Everything’s going to be okay
I can make your problems go away
And I ain’t scared of shit
Whatever the fuck it is I take care of it
If you’re strapped for cash, heading straight for a crash
I can make cash rain on your ass
Anything you want (You got it)
Anything you need (You got it)
Anything at all (You got it)
Just keep it real with me (You got it)

You fuckin’ mental, my crazy little girl
Maybe the most psycho chick in the world
You mystical shit just’s not physical
What you and me got’s unfuckwithable
Respect me receive my protection
I’m always right by your side like a weapon
Love me I grant you there will be love
Fuck with my girl there will be blood
All my bitches love me, aw man it’s tough
One crazy girl’s more than enough
This is not ordinary love
This thing you an’ me got girl (Mm)
I believe it’s magic (Magic)
I believe it’s magic (Magic)
I believe it’s magic (Magic)
Magic (Magic)
Ugly on the skin
But you’re lovely from within
An angel kiss from me to you
Always there for me when I’m feelin’ blue
You say you’ll stick with me and I know you well
I just get so emotional
When I’m down and feeling weak
With tears streaming down my cheeks
You say the sweetest things
Like material stuff don’t mean a thing
But you take care of me to keep you safe
You so freaky babe

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Feel it.

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Let it be easy and fun. Isn’t it fun? I am so excited.
What do you want?
Feel it. Let it go. It will come, and if not you probably don’t want it anymore.

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